How can I get to know God better?

Question: "How can I get to know God better?"

Answer: Everyone knows that God exists. “God has made it plain” that He is real, “for since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse” (Romans 1:19-20). Some try to suppress the knowledge of God; most try to add to it. The Christian has a deep desire to know God better (Psalm 25:4).

In John 3 we read about a man who clearly wanted to know God better and who became more studied than most in the things of God. His name was Nicodemus, and he was a Pharisee, a ruler of the Jews. This Nicodemus knew that Jesus had come from God, and he was truly curious to learn more about Jesus. Jesus patiently explained to Nicodemus how he must be born again (verses 3-15). In order to know God better, Nicodemus had come to the right person—“In Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form” (Colossians 2:9). Jesus is indeed the Word of God made flesh (John 1:14). Jesus revealed God through His words and works. He even said that no one comes to the Father but by Him (John 14:6). If you want to know who God is, look at Jesus.

So, we must start with faith. The first step in knowing God better is to know Jesus Christ, who was sent from God (John 6:38). Once we are born again by the power of the Holy Spirit, we can truly begin to learn about God, His character, and His will. “The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God” (1 Corinthians 2:10). By contrast, “the person without the Spirit . . . cannot understand [the things of God] because they are discerned only through the Spirit” (verse 14). There is a difference between the “natural” man and the “spiritual” man.

Romans 10:17 says, “So faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the Word of Christ.” It cannot be emphasized enough how the study of God’s Word, the Bible, is paramount to knowing God better. We must, “like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it [we] may grow up in [our] salvation, now that [we] have tasted that the Lord is good” (1 Peter 2:2-3). God’s Word should be our “delight” (Psalm 119:16, 24).

Those who are learning more about God are also those who obey the command to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Born-again believers always have the Holy Spirit, but Ephesians 5:15-21 teaches us to walk in the Spirit and surrender to His will.

Prayer is also an important part of knowing God better. As we pray, we praise God for His character and for what He has done. We spend time with Him, relying on His power and allowing the Spirit to intercede for us “through wordless groans” (Romans 8:26).

Also consider that one can get to know God better by fellowshipping with other believers. The Christian life was not meant to be lived alone. We learn more about God through the preaching of God’s Word and the godly counsel of those who walk with Him. Make the most of your church experience, get involved, do small-group Bible study, go witnessing with fellow believers. Just like a log ablaze on the hearth soon goes out when it is removed and placed aside, so we will lose our fervor for God if we do not fellowship with other believers. But put the log back into the fire with the other logs, and it will burn brightly again.

Building a Godly Relationship Before Marriage

This is a story that helps us to better understand how to build Godly relationships.
Keep your passion for Jesus central. It’s easy to give Jesus priority status when there’s no competition. When we start dating, however, it’s common for many of us to slowly channel the energy that we’ve been investing in our relationship with Him into our newfound love. But Jesus isn’t our relational back-up plan, someone we put first until someone better comes along. He needs to stay central for us regardless of whether we’re single, dating, or married.
Relationships flourish when Jesus and His kingdom are the priority of both people, but falter when they aren’t. When Jesus is our first priority, our view of love, sex, and relationships is enhanced and enriched. But when Jesus is relegated to being our second, third, or fourth priority, our entire view of love, sex, and relationships becomes distorted. Knowing Jesus intimately is critical if we want to know what authentic, life-giving expressions of love, sex, and relationships look like. If we’re not anchoring our heart’s deepest hopes and longings in Jesus, our romantic relationships will always end up disappointing and frustrating us. We’ll be placing unrealistic expectations on our relationship that can only be fulfilled by God.
It’s a wonderful thing to fall in love and find someone with whom we can share our lives. However, we need to be careful that even good, healthy dating relationships don’t become stumbling blocks that cause us to forsake our first love (Revelation 2:4).
Don’t rationalize an abusive relationship. It’s common for many people (especially women) to find themselves in an abusive relationship at some point in their lives. Maybe it’s a boyfriend who is physically abusive, or a girlfriend who is controlling and emotionally manipulative. Regardless, I often see the rationalizing of major dysfunction. Many of us would rather put up with abuse and dysfunction in our relationships than be alone, so we go to great lengths to minimize or deny any abusive behaviour.
“Well, she’s not like that all the time.”
“It isn’t really that bad.”
“It’s no big deal. That’s just the way our relationship is.”
No relationship is perfect. Each one has its fault lines and issues, but there comes a point when a challenging relationship becomes a destructive one, and when abusive patterns have emerged that line has been crossed.
Sometimes denial can run deep. If we don’t identify and end the abusive relationship until it has run its course, we will be heartbroken and devastated. Or maybe we believe we’re the one sent into this person’s life to do the saving, to make them a better person, and so we wear the abuse as a kind of badge of honour. Maybe it brings us some kind of self-righteous satisfaction that we’re suffering for a greater purpose and are willing to love someone so “complicated.”
Regardless of your particular situation, if you are involved in an abusive relationship—whether the abuse is physical, emotional, or sexual—you need to end it. You know it’s unhealthy, and chances are it’s negatively impacting every area of your life, including your relationship with God. You should talk to a friend, parent, or pastor you trust who can help you transition out of your relationship.
Don’t believe that romantic relationships are the key to happiness and fulfillment. This piece of advice often comes from one of my high school students when we brainstorm relationship advice together as a group. All of us go through a stage where we assume we’re a boyfriend or girlfriend away from having it all. We believe that if we could find our “true love,” all the issues that bring us down will fade into the background. We believe that love, peace, and joy will flood into our lives and give us our “happily ever after.”
Falling in love and being in love is awesome, but if we think a relationship is what will save us from loneliness, low self-esteem, and purposelessness, we’re just wrong. No matter how good, godly, and healthy a relationship may be, it cannot fully satisfy the deeper spiritual hungers within you. To enter into any relationship with the expectation that it will be the key to a happy life is to place an idolatrous, unhealthy, and unrealistic expectation on it. This expectation will only suffocate any potential for the relationship to grow in a healthy way. We must never ask or assume another person can provide what only God can. When we stop looking to a relationship to be the key that will unlock the potential of our lives, we open up space for healthy relationships to emerge into what they are meant to be.

Only date someone who has a passion for following Jesus with their whole lives. “Christians should only date Christians.” That opinion is repeated in countless books on Christian dating, and yet from my point of view it’s just not a helpful way of approaching things. The statement is clearly well-intended, but like many things within the church the attempt to simplify in order to communicate things clearly has created new problems.
For example, the overly simplistic categories of Christian and non-Christian can be an enormous stumbling block. If the discussion centres on dating Christians vs. non-Christians, we can quickly (and mistakenly) substitute “people who go to church” with “Christian” and unintentionally lower our standards to anyone who shows up to church on Sunday. But should a Christian relationship be validated by something as trivial as church attendance?
I think it’s much better to frame the discussion within the larger context of discipleship. If we want our central passion to be Jesus and His kingdom, does it make sense to date someone who doesn’t share that same intention? If discipleship to Jesus is something we take incredibly seriously, does it make sense to date someone who supports us in our faith but isn’t actually committed to it themselves?
No, it doesn’t. That’s why I encourage people to pray for and seek out someone whose passion for Jesus is profound, undeniable, and inspiring. That is the kind of person, that kind of disciple, is someone you should pursue. Too many people settle for someone who’s churched instead of prayerfully holding out for someone whose discipleship commitment expresses itself in dynamic, passionate, creative ways. If you want your love for Jesus to deepen throughout your life, committing to only dating (and eventually marrying) someone with a strong and vibrant faith should be non-negotiable.
Never settle. Personally and professionally I’ve never seen anything good come from relationships that started with, “Well . . . you’ll do.” That being said, I’m not an idiot; I know how difficult it is to be the only person without a boyfriend or girlfriend, and the ache that situation creates. But we need to have the courage to move into and through that discomfort, trusting God to somehow satisfy what we’re longing for, even if we can’t anticipate how.
Make a list of qualities you want in your future spouse, then work backwards. If you want someone who is fun, spontaneous, spiritually intense, wise, and playful, that’s not going to happen if you date someone who is some of these things, some of the time. Obviously this means we’ll have to do a bit of reflection on our future marriage partner before we start dating, but isn’t that a good thing? We date in order to allow God to help us find a kindred spirit with whom we can become a soul mate through marriage. If someone told me they were ready to date but couldn’t articulate what they were looking for in someone beyond being attractive and funny, I’d tell them they just aren’t ready to date. If we don’t know what we really want in our dating relationships, the likelihood of us settling for something “good enough” is exponentially higher.
Before I met my wife, I spent a few months putting together a list of character qualities that I wouldn’t budge on. If someone only had three out of ten, I wouldn’t date them. eight out of ten? Sorry. I wanted a perfect score. Why? Was I some kind of unreasonable jerk with an inflated sense of entitlement? No. I knew what kind of marriage I wanted, and I’d lived and learned enough about myself to know the kind of person I needed to hold out for. That didn’t make times of singleness easy, but because I had a razor-sharp clarity about what I wanted and needed, settling for anything else became much harder.
Avoid the Romeo and Juliet syndrome. Romeo and Juliet were star-crossed lovers who were so in love they could never be separated. They quickly melted their own identities into each other and made each other their entire world. This syndrome is all too common in dating relationships. We’ve probably all known a friend who started dating someone and then stopped hanging out with everyone except their new love. All their spare time was spent with their Romeo or Juliet, and the relationships and priorities that were previously very important were disregarded and pushed aside.
The Romeo and Juliet syndrome is closely linked to the assumption that was addressed previously in this list (i.e., romantic relationships are the key to happiness and fulfillment). Out of this assumption we look to another person to be the emotional saviour we’ve been waiting for, and we do all we can to surround ourselves with this person as much as possible. This trap is easy for us to fall into, so my advice here is to put limits on the amount of time we’re spending with our boyfriend/girlfriend, so that we don’t (intentionally or unintentionally) make them the focal point of our daily routines and habits.
Set boundaries. It’s really important to establish boundaries before we enter into a dating relationship. If we don’t, we’ll find ourselves in a literal free-for-all in terms of what is done, said, and experienced together, and this is always destructive to everyone involved. Healthy relationships need boundaries, and they need to identify and decide what boundaries are going to be in place as it relates to four dimensions of the relationship:
a. Physical. What physical boundaries need to be in place in order to protect each person’s dignity, reputation, and purity?
b. Emotional. What emotional boundaries need to be in place in order to ensure the Romeo and Juliet syndrome doesn’t take hold?
c. Social. What social boundaries need to be in place in order to ensure that each person is investing in healthy relationships outside of the dating relationship?
d. Spiritual. What spiritual boundaries need to be in place in order to ensure that each person is growing spiritually as individuals and not just focusing their spiritual growth on the context of their relationship?
Ideally, the couple should meet with a few older and more experienced couples to help them define what boundaries will be in place for them. These older couples can also play an important ongoing mentoring role in the new couples’ lives.
Learn from your mistakes. We all make mistakes. As much as we parade around ideas of personal holiness, the biting truth is that imperfections and blunders seem to be the rule rather than the exception within our lives. Even during seasons where I feel an uncommon clarity of purpose, strong sense of conviction, and deep connection with God, I’m ashamed to admit how easy I’m seized by sins like lust, envy, pride, and idolatry.
But as I look back over my life, it seems to me that the only sinful slip-ups that have really cost me in the long run have been the ones I’ve stubbornly repeated, knowing precisely what I was doing. Proverbs 26:11 states, “As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.” That’s the cycle that can destroy us if we’re not careful. So when we make a mistake, regardless of what kind or what severity, we need to realize that beating ourselves up is of limited value. Genuine repentance doesn’t always need to be a tearful exercise in self-pity. Sometimes it expresses itself with a clear decision and focused intention to put together a game plan to avoid repeating the mistake again. After reflecting on my own journey and many years of pastoral ministry, I’m convinced that God won’t let our mistakes define our lives if we’re willing to learn from them and seek restoration in Him.
Take three months between dating relationships to reflect and learn. The temptation to rebound with an immediate dating relationship after one has ended is enormous. Why? Because we’ve been in a relationship long enough that we’ve become accustomed to having someone to call, touch, and hang out with. To go from that to nothing feels like the rug has been pulled out from under us, and our first instincts are to get ourselves back into a relationship as soon as possible in order to avoid the awkwardness of readjusting to being single. But when we start relationships in order to avoid being single, we’re actually just using the new guy or girl for our own selfish ends. That foundation isn’t going to take us very far, and we should expect more heartache to come if we just rush into new relationships after ending old ones.
If a relationship doesn’t work (for whatever reason), it’s always important to take some time away from dating relationships and recalibrate our hearts and minds. We need to carve out time to reflect on what went wrong, and why. We should explore how we need to grow from our experiences in the previous relationship so that future relationships are healthier and more Christ-centred. Relationships teach us a lot if we’re willing to listen to the lessons. Be sure to carve out at least three months between dating relationships so that you can focus on learning whatever lessons God wants to teach you during your time of transition.
Break up well. This might be one of the most surprising and overlooked pieces of advice I share on the subject of building healthy relationships, but it’s so important. Nothing tests the genuineness of our discipleship commitment to Jesus than our willingness to refuse to blame, badmouth, or hurt the other person during a break-up.
A break-up usually results in a lot of hurt for everyone involved. Two people who once thought of each other as “true loves” now become enemies looking to strike back at each other. However, it’s exactly in this new and awkward context that Jesus’ challenge to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44) comes into play.
If we’re the ones doing the breaking up, we need to do so in a way that minimizes the emotional damage for the other person. We’re going to cause hurt, so we need to be as gentle, reasonable, and kind as humanly possible. Being rejected is a horrible feeling, and we don’t need to escalate those feelings (even if we think the other person deserves it). We should strive to be gracious and kind, and after the break-up never speak badly about the other person.
If we’re on the receiving end of the break-up, the emotions that flood into our hearts are going to make it very easy for us to justify hatred and retaliation. We need to fight those impulses with everything in us. That doesn’t mean minimizing how much it hurts to have someone dump us, though; it just means refusing to let the hurt we’re feeling morph into a cancer of anger and bitterness. Getting dumped sucks, but striking back through hatred and retaliation won’t provide the healing we’re looking for. That can only be found when we pour our energy into our relationship with the One who is “close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalms 34:18).

REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD BE A GOSPEL ARTIST IN NIGERIA

1.       Nigeria is a religious society

The number one reason why you should be a gospel artist is because Nigeria is very religious society and will always buy into religion as long as it is well packaged and delivered. If you look around you, you will see that nothing sells better than church and as a gospel artist that is your advantage, the only problem you may have is how to harness this leverage (church) to your advantage. As a secular artist you don’t have such a sphere to rise; you have to work hard to sell yourself to a wider ideology before you can start making money thus; you need to pay a lot for promotion, publicity and compromise. As a gospel artist you really don’t need that because you already have an ideology to sell and you know where to sell it.

2.       You could be small (local) and still be making money

The second reason why you should be a gospel artist is this; you don’t have to be BIG to start making money, as a gospel artist you could be small or even unknown to the world but still be making money. As a secular artist you have to be well known to get paid shows and events but that is not the case with a gospel artiste. If you have a great relationship with the church community you get invitation to church locally and even if you don’t get paid, you could still bring your CDs and sell them above the market price. I know a lot of gospel artist whose songs have never been played on radio yet, earn a lot of money than many secular musicians you see on TV

 

3.       You will always have where to sell your music

The third advantage you have as a gospel artist over a secular artist is an available market to sell your music. First if you decide to launch your album in the church people in your church will come and support you for the same reason. Your parent will invite their friends and the pastor will encourage the people to come out and support you. You don’t have to pay for venue or equipment because they are all available in your church. The secular musician hardly ever gets such help or favors

Secondly the secular musician depends on ‘alaba’ to distribute his music and that also depends on other several factor such as your level of fame etc but, as a gospel artist you don’t have to wait for ‘alaba’ or any major marketer to distribute your work. The church is always there around the corner of your house; you can walk in and drop your music on the information decks, you can ask to see the pastor to invite you on Sunday to showcase your work before the congregation etc. this is another great reason why you should be a gospel artist, you already have the market; its left for you to become creative and find ways to explore the market (church) to your own profit.

4.       Available shows and event are all year round

Another great reason why you should consider being a gospel artist is the availability of shows and events to perform all year round. This is a great stream of income if you are well known in the gospel world or if you have your way around churches. Nothing stops the church from having events all year round. Churches have events every weekdays or weekends, summer or winter, January to December, which means business for you (gospel artist) week in, week out. This is not the case for a secular artiste, you only get shows during the weekends and most times only during the dry season thus; I am talking about already established known artiste. what about you who is upcoming? Who will invite you to a show let alone pay you to perform? Could you even sell your CDs at such venues? Even if you could! at what price?   

5.       You spend less on lifestyle

As a gospel artist this is one advantage you have over secular artiste, you don’t have to keep up with the Jones, the pressure of fashion and ‘the lifestyle’. As a gospel artist you have the advantage of channeling your resources into worthwhile ventures unlike the secular artiste who spend huge some of their income on designer clothes, shoes and expensive drinks in clubs.

6.       Profit for the greater good

The final reason why you should be a gospel artiste is for the eternal reward you will receive from God for doing his work, touching and changing the life of men. What could be the more rewarding than this, for the master to say to you, well done good and faithful servant as the parable told by Jesus in Luke 19

Now you have it six reason why you should be a gospel artiste in Nigeria.  EARN INCOME FROM NET http://sponsoredtweets.com/r/1PUf

Does the Bible Tell Christians to Judge Not?

Many people conclude that making judgments on anyone (especially coming from Christians) is wrong because the Bible says ”judge not”{Mathew 7;1}

We live in a world that increasingly strives to (supposedly) promote the idea of tolerance, but actually becomes intolerant of Christian absolutes as it does so. Whether it involves religion, behavior, or human sexuality, there is a growing anti-Christian sentiment in America and other Western nations. Ultimately, built into this “tolerance” is the concept that truth is determined by each individual, not by God. This has led many people to conclude that making judgments on anyone (especially coming from Christians) is wrong because the Bible says ”judge not” Mathew 7;1}. Interestingly enough, those who reject the notion of God or the credibility of the Bible often attempt to use God’s Word (e.g., by quoting verses out of context) to excuse their actions when they are presented with the gospel and the plight of sinners for rejecting it.

The Authority on Judging

Scripture makes it very clear that there is one supreme Judge of all—the Lord God—and that He alone has the authority to determine right and wrong motives and behaviors.
Many Old Testament passages attest to the truth of God as Judge:

God is a just judge, and God is angry with the wicked every day.{psaml7;2}

He shall judge the world in righteousness, and he shall administer judgments for the people in uprightness.{paslm9;8}

Let the heavens declare His righteousness, for God himself is Judge. Selah{50:6}

For the Lord is our Judge, the Lord is our Lawgiver, the Lord is our King; He will save us. {Isaiah 33:22}

The Old Testament is rife with passages that establish God as the ultimate Judge. When we come to the New Testament, we find that the Father has committed authority and judgment to the Son. Jesus spoke of this authority before He ascended to heaven after the Resurrection (mathew28:18}

“For the Father judges no one, but has committed all judgment to the Son.” [john 5:22

“I have come as a light into the world, that whoever believes in Me should not abide in darkness. And if anyone hears My words and does not believe, I do not judge him; for I did not come to judge the world but to save the world. He who rejects Me, and does not receive My words, has that which judges him—the word that I have spoken will judge him in the last day.” [john 12:46-48]

Because He has appointed a day on which He will judge the world in righteousness by the Man whom He has ordained. He has given assurance of this to all by raising Him from the dead. [act 17:31]

As these passages and many others demonstrate, the Bible makes it very clear that one day Jesus will rightly judge all humanity based on each individual’s faith in—or rejection of—the Son of God. For a world filled with people who believe in moral relativism—and for many professing Christians who practice morality in an attempt to earn righteousness—this day will be filled with fear and trepidation. The Judge of the universe has made a judgment about salvation, echoed by the Apostle Peter in Acts 4:12: “Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.” There will be no time to debate whether the judgment is right or wrong because the ultimate Judge has decreed His justice through the Son.
Let us consider the idea of judging as it relates to believers and unbelievers. The methods are different when dealing with these two groups, but the goal is reconciliation. Unbelievers need to know Christ and be reconciled to Him, and believers need to grow in Christ and be reconciled to each other.

How Judging Relates to Unbelievers

When a Christian lovingly and graciously presents the gospel to unbelievers, a judgment is made regarding their standing with God. The Bible clearly declares that all men are sinners, have fallen short of the glory of God, and are in need of redemption from their sins [Romans 3:23] This judgment is not made from the opinion of the Christian who is presenting the gospel but rather by what the Bible clearly declares.
The claim that Christians are not to judge is often made when dealing with issues such as abortion, adultery, homosexual behavior, and same-sex marriage. When a Christian says, for example, that homosexual behavior is a sin and that same-sex marriage is wrong, he or she is often met with objections like the following:

• “Who are you to judge two people who love each other?”
• “Who do you think you are, telling someone who they can and cannot love? You’re a sinner, too!”
• “Someone’s private life is none of your business. Don’t judge them.”

Some people will even quote[Mathew 7:1]where Christ said during the Sermon on the Mount, “Judge not, that you be not judged.” Of course, when they quote this verse in regard to such situations, they take it out of context to support their fallacious claims. When we consider the concept of judging, especially as it relates to the Sermon on the Mount, Christ tells us to be discerning, not condemning.
There are significant logical problems with the claim that believers should not make judgments. The first becomes evident when we read the context of [Mathew 7:1]

Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, “Let me remove the speck from your eye”; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye[Mathew 7:1-5]

Here, Christ is warning believers against making judgments in a hypocritical or condemning manner. That type of judging is a characteristic often associated with the Pharisees during the ministry of Jesus. Many people who quote “judge not” from [Mathew 7:1]fail to notice the command to judge in [Mathew 7:5] when it says, “Then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” The point Jesus emphasizes here is to judge yourself first before you make judgments about others. (Also, notice the discernment and judgment required in [Mathew 7:15-16] 20]In the broader context, Jesus is telling believers to be discerning when it comes to false teaching and false prophets because they “look” Christian, but their goal is to lead the flock astray [Mathew 7:15-20][Luke 6:43-45]
As Christians, we should be living godly lives so that we can first concentrate on our own repentance of sin. Sanctification is a lifelong process of being transformed every day into the image of Christ. Without this, we have no place in helping another brother or sister. What Christ teaches His believers in Matthew 7 is that if we ourselves are not personally repenting of our sins, we are in no place to tell others how sinful they are acting. But the Bible does tell us to preach the gospel—and part of the gospel message is that people are sinners in need of salvation.

How Judging Relates to Fellow Believers

We often hear claims from Christians that we are not to make judgments about other believers, especially as it relates to their erroneous teachings on Genesis. Again, the [Mathew 7:1] passage is used as a justification for this type of attitude. Now, the ministry of Answers in Genesis acknowledges that there are many Christian pastors and leaders who sincerely have a love for the Lord Jesus Christ. These men have led many to Christ, work diligently with much perseverance for the kingdom of God, and minister to the hurting and sick—all because they have been transformed by the finished work of Christ on the Cross and His Resurrection from the dead. However, just like the rest of us, they are fallible and can fall into error, even regarding the issue of origins.

Scripture provides many examples of how God’s people can be in error.

Scripture provides many examples of how God’s people can be in error, dating back to (and before) the kings of Israel and Judah. Out of the 39 rulers in Israel and Judah after the time of Solomon, only eight of them (1 Kings 1–2, all from Judah) tried to reverse the evil their predecessors had introduced into the kingdom. Only eight of them saw the depravity around them and tried to do something about it. However, these godly kings had failures as well. These eight kings have their histories tarnished because they failed to take down the high places [1 kings 15;1-14; 22;43,2kings 12;2-3; 14;3-4  ;15;3-4; 34-35] Upon entering Canaan, the Israelites were commanded to destroy everything, including pagan places of worship on high mountains. Rather than destroy them, the Israelites made them into additional worship centers, contrary to what they had been commanded by God. Even the godliest of people are capable of falling into error.
defending biblical authority and proclaiming the gospel, which brings controversy when it comes to the topic of judging. For instance, in addition to dealing with the issues above from a biblical perspective, Answers in Genesis points out that there are many Christians (including Christian leaders) who add evolution and/or millions of years to Scripture. We expose this compromise not to make harsh judgments about the person or his spiritual walk, but to show the inconsistency (as we all can be) of a Christian leader towards Genesis—and the negative implications that it can have on the rest of Scripture.
Now, the ministry of AiG is dedicated to upholding the authority of the Bible and giving answers to point out that such compromise positions are really undermining God’s Word and its authority. When AiG does that, we are often told that we are unloving and that we should not be making judgments about others by pointing out errors in their teaching regarding Genesis.
Some people take offense and say that as believers, we should focus on loving others and not be divisive. We are, however, divisive if we do not correct error. Are we working toward the “unity of the faith” [Ephesians 4;13], or are we compromising God’s Word by allowing for the world’s “wisdom”? Remember, as believers we are all part of “one faith” [Ephesians 4;5], We must establish our foundation in the truth of God’s Word and not our own philosophies, making God the authority over our life. Having the right foundation will help us to know the difference between truth and lies as well as right and wrong. Paul explained the need for truth and the divisive nature of lies in the following passage:

That we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ—from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love. [Ephesians 4;14-16],

Conclusion: Biblical Perspective of “Judge Not”

Those people who call for tolerance and quote “judge not” out of context are not using sound thinking. Their call for tolerance is impossible because as Christians, we are called to judge righteously, and judging between right and wrong is something we do every day—and it should be a part of biblical discernment in every believer’s thinking. But it is God’s Word that makes the judgment on morality and truth, not our own opinions or theories.
What’s the purpose of judging error in a biblical manner? The church is to be built on the foundation of Christ and the authority of His Word [Ephesians 2;20]—and that means believers should examine their own lives regularly and also lovingly challenge Christian brothers and sisters who are in error or commit sin. To do this, believers must be bold for Christ, but they also have to be humble, loving, and kind. We encourage you to keep these things in mind as you strive daily to maintain unity in the truth of Christ Jonh 17;20-26]. Earn money online click for more info http://sponsoredtweets.com/r/1PUf

great tips for christians singles dating

1) Do not be unequally yoked.
Take 2 Cor. 6:14 seriously.

Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? (NLT)

If you are dating someone who doesn’t have a personal relationship with Christ, you are playing with fire. If you fall in love, what will you do? Don’t let the relationship progress to a physical point and then hope you can cut it off later.
2) Put on the armor of God daily.
You need all the help you can get in today’s world. Are you spending time with God? Do you depend on Him to meet your needs of love and security? You can resist temptation if you put on the whole armor of God (Eph. 6:10-20).
3) Put obedience over passion.
Not everything we do that’s right, feels good. In fact, usually the opposite is true. It feels incredibly good to give in to passion. But, the authority of Christ needs to take precedence over your physical drives. Society tells you to give in to the moment. Christ tells you to be obedient to His word.
4) Physical expression must be appropriate.
Physical touch/intimacy should correspond with commitment. This doesn’t mean anything goes if you are engaged. Physical touch should be in the context of a meaningful relationship, not reduced to satisfaction of personal need.
5) Limits must be set mutually.
Both partners should take responsibility for setting limits. Mutual boundary keeping reflects maturity.
6) Examine your personal motives.
What is your motivation -- power and control, gratifying your own ego, meeting a selfish need, or genuine affection?
7) Is there too much physical and too little other?
If the social, emotional, spiritual dimensions are missing or lacking, you are out of balance. If you can’t stand the person but have a great physical relationship, rethink the relationship.
8) Less is better.
If one person is uncomfortable with any type of physical expression, don’t do it. You should respect and honor each other. Don’t push a date to do anything that makes him/her feel uncomfortable.
9) Be guided by love versus lust.
Love is the fruit of the Spirit. From love comes self-control. Operate in love, not lust.
10) Allow the Holy Spirit to direct and lead you.
If you feel convicted of certain behaviors, stop doing them.
Special Note: If you are a teen, you must honor your parents and respect their counsel (Ephesians 6:2-3). You are subject to parental authority. Don’t be sexually active just because you can get away with it. http://sponsoredtweets.com/r/1PUf

CHRISTIAN guidelines for dating relationships?

God wants the best for us in every area of our lives. This includes relationships with boyfriends or girlfriends. We should date for fun, friendship, personality development and selection of a mate, not to be popular or for security. Don't allow peer pressure to force you into dating situations that are not appropriate. Realize that over 50% of girls and over 40% of guys never date in high school. The Bible gives us some very clear principles to guide us in making decisions about dating.

    Guard your heart.
    The Bible tells us to be very careful about giving our affections, because our heart influences everything else in our life.

        Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23).

    You are known by the company you keep.
    We also tend to become like the company we keep. This principle is closely related to the first one and is just as important in friendships as in dating.

        Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character (1 Corinthians 15:33).

    Christians should only date other Christians.
    Although it is fine for Christians to have non-Christian friends, those who are especially close to our heart should be mature believers who are seeking to follow Christ with their lives.

        Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14).

    Is it really love?
    1 Corinthians 13:4-7 defines real love. Ask yourself these questions:
        Are you patient with each other?
        Are you kind to each other?
        Are you never envious of each other?
        Do you never boast to or about each other?
        Is your relationship characterized by humility?
        Are you never rude to each other?
        Are you not self-seeking?
        Are you not easily angered with each other?
        Do you keep no record of wrongs?
        Are you truthful with each other?
        Do you protect each other?
        Do you trust each other?

If you answered “yes” to the above questions, then 1 Corinthians 13 says that you truly have a loving relationship. If you answered “no” to any of the above questions, then maybe you should discuss those issues with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
How far is too far?

Many students ask the question, “How far should I go on a date?” Here are some principles that will help you decide what is appropriate behavior on a date.

    Does the situation I put myself in invite sexual immorality or help me avoid it?
    1 Corinthians 6:18 says to "flee from sexual immorality." We cannot do this if we are tempting ourselves through carelessness.

    What kind of reputation does my potential date have?
    When you accept a date you are essentially saying, “My values are the same as your values.” That in itself can put you in a position you may regret later. Remember 1 Corinthians 15:33, "Bad company corrupts good character."

    Will there be any pressure to use alcohol or drugs?
    Don't give up your values for a date.

    Am I attracting the wrong type of person?
    Make sure that the message you send with your actions doesn't attract people who will lead you to compromise your values.

    Am I aware that sin is first committed in the heart?
    Matthew 5:28 says, "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

    Are you going to the right kind of place for a date?
    Many good intentions have been forgotten because the temptation and opportunity were too great.

    Am I doing anything to encourage sexual desire?
    Don't engage in any impure contact that is sexually motivated, such as petting.

If you have already gone too far, why stop?

    God is forgiving.
    1 John 1:9 tells us that God is faithful and just to forgive our sins if we confess them. You can start fresh with God anytime you want to.

    God is holy.
    His word tells us that sexual sin is wrong, and He knows what is best.

    God is caring.
    God knows that going too far before marriage tends to break up couples and leads to less happy marriages. He knows that most guys do not want to marry a girl who has been intimate with someone else.

[ If this information has been helpful, please prayerfully consider a donation to help pay the expenses for making this faith-building service available to you and your family! Donations are tax-deductible. ]

7 Ways to Discipline Your Wife

Biblically speaking all those who are under various authorities can and should be disciplined by those authorities. The husband wife relationship is no exception to this rule. So how should a Christian husband go about his duty of disciplining his wife whom God has placed under his authority? This is a question that we will seek to answer here.
When we hear the word discipline in the context of wives this can be a scary term for many. It invokes images of husbands beating their wives and knocking them around or locking them in closets. It might invoke images of husbands standing over their wives yelling and screaming at them and using all kinds of obscenities. This is not the type of discipline that we are talking about in a Biblical context. Men who behave in such ways will answer to God for this abusive treatment of their wives.

Arguments against the discipline of wives by their husbands

Before we can get into how to discipline your wife as a Christian husband we need to address the arguments against any form of discipline by husbands toward their wives.

Argument #1 A Partner cannot discipline their other partner

The first and most common argument against Christian husband’s disciplining their wives is the belief that a husband and wife are equal partners in marriage. The Bible does not show marriage as a partnership, but rather a Patriarchy (male lead hierarchy). See my post “Is Marriage a Partnership or a Patriarchy?” for all the Scriptures that present marriage as a Patriarchy and not a partnership.

Argument #2 Discipline infantilizes a wife

Some would argue that if a man disciplines his wife in any way that this is treating her (an adult) as a child. This could not be further from the truth. The discipline of a wife is certainly different than that of a child and we will discuss that later in this post.
But discipline is something that applies to adults as well as children. Governments have the power to discipline their adult citizens, military commanders have the ability to discipline adults under their command, Churches have the power to discipline their adult members, and employers have the right to discipline their adult employees. Discipline applies to all of us as adults – both men and women.
No one would argue against discipline in these other spheres of authority or say that it infantilizes these adults.   Certainly there is also the potential to abuse one’s authority and discipline in wrong ways, but the exercise of discipline itself is not wrong, only the abuse of it is.

Argument #3 A wife’s submission to her husband is voluntary, therefore he cannot discipline her

Even some Christian complementarians and others who believe in male headship in marriage reject the husband’s right and responsibility to discipline his wife. They do so based on their belief that while a wife is commanded by God to submit to her husband, this is a voluntary submission on her part and cannot be compelled from her husband.
So in their reasoning if a husband cannot compel his wife’s submission, he cannot discipline her for failure to submit to his leadership. I have shown how the Scriptures refute the idea that a wife’s submission is voluntary but rather they show that her submission is mandatory and synonymous with obedience. See my previous post “Should a Christian husband make his wife submit?” for more on this subject.

Argument #4 Christ does not discipline his bride

Some Christians, both complementarians and egalitarians, have attempted to argue that since we have no examples of Christ disciplining his bride (which is the Church) that husbands ought not to discipline their wives. This is actually not true.
Throughout the Scriptures God pictures his relationship with his people in two primary ways. The Bible pictures our relationship with God as individuals as that of a Father and his children. The Bible pictures God’s relationship with his people as a group as that of a husband and a wife with God being the husband and the people of God being his wife.
In the Old Testament God made a covenant with and married Israel as a nation (Ezekiel 16:1-14). Later he shows he had to divorce Israel because she failed to repent of her wicked ways and return to him (Jeremiah 3:8) despite the discipline that he had brought on Israel.
In the New Testament God has a new bride which is foretold in the Old Testament prophecies. But the Church (which a new body compromised of the remnant of Israel and Gentile believers) is pictured as bride that is betrothed to her husband which is Jesus Christ (II Corinthians 11:2). The marriage and consummation of the Church with Christ is seen in the marriage supper of the lamb in Revelation 19:9.
Even as a betrothed bride, Christ disciplined his Church through his Apostles who acted as the protector and guides of his bride.

“I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him.” – II Corinthians 11:2 (NIV)
“What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a rod of discipline, or shall I come in love and with a gentle spirit?” – I Corinthians 4:21 (NIV)

When speaking to his seven churches in Revelation (chapters 2 & 3) Christ rebukes and disciplines all but one because of their failings and Christ says this to his churches:

“Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.” – Revelation 3:19 (NIV)

So my point in all this is – Those who say God does not discipline his bride are ignoring passages of Scripture that show both in his previous marriage to Israel as well as his current betrothal to the Church that he in fact does discipline his bride.

I do not endorse Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD)

While I believe that a husband has the power and responsibility to discipline his wife that does not mean I think that discipline looks the same as with his children. I do not ascribe to or support the Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD) movement or their methods.   I do NOT advocate for or teach that men ought to physically discipline their wives.

Different Types of Discipline for Different Spheres of Authority

The discipline from each authority that God has established looks very different. The types of discipline that a government can bring on its citizens looks very different than the discipline that church authorities can bring on their members. The discipline of an employer toward his employees looks very different than the discipline of parents toward their children. In the same way a husband’s discipline toward his wife will look different that the discipline used in these other spheres of authority.
But what all these spheres of authority have in common is this:
In every sphere of authority God has established that the authority has not only the right, but the duty to discipline those under their authority.

Discipline makes us a better person

The Bible has a lot to say about discipline. These are just a few of those passages.

“Whoever heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray.” – Proverbs 10:17 (NIV)
“Whoever disregards discipline comes to poverty and shame, but whoever heeds correction is honored.” – Proverbs 13:18 (NIV)
“Those who disregard discipline despise themselves, but the one who heeds correction gains understanding.” – Proverbs 15:32 (NIV)

Discipline should be measured

“I am with you and will save you,’ declares the Lord. ‘Though I completely destroy all the nations among which I scatter you, I will not completely destroy you. I will discipline you but only in due measure; I will not let you go entirely unpunished.’” – Jeremiah 30:11 (NIV)

As husbands our discipline should always start off gently and then move toward harder forms of discipline. So for instance, if your wife rarely speaks in a disrespectful or demeaning tone to you then if she slips up gently let her know that her tone was demeaning or disrespectful. If she apologizes then no further action is needed.
But what if your wife is acting defiant or publicly speaks disrespectfully toward you as her husband? In this case a Christian husband may be compelled to use harder forms of discipline.

Discipline is about holiness

Christ did not sacrifice himself for his bride (the Church) in order for her to follow her own selfish ways, but rather he sacrificed himself to make her holy.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” – Ephesians 5:25-27(NIV)

As we previously mentioned God says this to his churches in Revelation:

“Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.” Revelation 3:19 (NIV)

No man who truly loves his wife takes pleasure in disciplining her. We as Christian’s husbands naturally want to see our wives happy we don’t want to rock the boat needlessly. This is why discipline on the part of a husband toward his wife if he is truly acting in love is a sacrifice on his part. It saddens him to have to take these measures with his wife whom he loves.

Discipline is about maintaining Order

I think the comparison of the family structure to military ranks is both Biblical as hupotasso (the Biblical term for submission in marriage) is a military term and it helps us to understand the discipline in the home as well.
God is like our General (4 star). In the home the husband would be like a Lieutenant General (3 star), and the wife would be like a Major General (2 star). The children would be the enlisted men. Imagine that a 4 star General came along and saw a 2 star General publically degrading her 3 star General in front of other officers or the enlisted men. What do you think the response would be from that 4 star General?
That 4 star General would first scold the 2 star General for her disrespect and then he would probably scold the 3 star General for allowing the disrespect to go on. It is the same with God as he looks at the relationships of husbands and wives.
He has given us different positions and we are to exercise and play out those parts he has given us. As a Christian husband you cannot allow your wife’s demeaning or disrespectful behavior to go unchecked because it is an affront to God’s established order. You are responsible for teaching both your wife and your children the ways of God. You are equally responsible for disciplining your wife and children when they rebel against God’s ways.
So now that we have addressed the arguments against a Christian husband disciplining his wife as well as the intended purpose of a husband disciplining his wife we can now look at practical examples of how a Christian husband can discipline his wife.

7 Ways to Discipline Your Wife

Discipline toward your wife should always start with the gentlest approach first and only move toward harder forms of discipline if the gentle approach does not yield results. Warnings should always be given before harder types of discipline are implemented. You should always pray and seek the Lord’s guidance before bringing these types of discipline on his wife.
Here are 7 ways you can discipline your wife if a gentle rebuke does not work:

#1 For Disrespect

If your wife is speaking in disrespectful and demeaning ways in public in front of others (whether this is toward you or others) this might require a public rebuke of her tone and actions.

#2 For Overspending

If your wife is spending money against your wishes – this may require confiscation of her credit cards and ATM cards. Of course this can be done in measured amounts. Perhaps you might just take away one or two cards that she has abused and if her spending continues to get out of control you would move toward removing the ATM card as well. This does not necessarily mean she would have no money, but you could give her a cash allowance each week.

#3 For failing to care for your children or contradicting your authority with your children

If your wife is failing to do her duties as a mother toward your children or she is continuing to contradict your authority with the children then perhaps you might put off buying that new car for her and have her continue driving her older car for a while as long as it is safe for her to drive. If you have to purchase another car – you could downgrade the type of car she will be able to get or buy her a used one instead. Maybe you put off the purchase of that new dishwasher she has been wanting.

#4 For too much TV watching

If your wife is watching too much TV you could cancel the cable or satellite TV and just have antenna service.

#5 For too much online time

If your wife is spending too much time online (like Facebook or other social outlets or online shopping) then if she does not respond to your warnings about this you could change your internet code on your router so that her devices will not have access to the internet.

#6 For neglect of the home

Maybe your wife is not watching too much TV or spending too much time online but she is still neglectful toward her duties in your home. If your wife is being neglectful of her duties to care for your home then you might put off that new living room furniture set you have been talking about or those new window dressings she has been wanting.

#7 For sexual denial

If your wife is un-submissive in the sexual arena and chronically denies your sexual advances (without legitimate medical or psychological reasons for doing so) then perhaps that upcoming trip you were going to take her on gets canceled. Maybe that wardrobe upgrade your wife was looking forward to gets downsized or canceled. The Bible says a man has to supply his wife with clothing, but it does not say it has to be the expensive clothing she wants!
Some of these disciplinary procedures may affect the family as a whole, but sometimes it is necessary to do this in an attempt to bring your wife to repentance.
These are just some examples of non-abusive ways that a Christian husband can discipline his wife in a way that honors God and his design for the home.

Conclusion

God not only give husbands the power to discipline their wives, but he also gives them to the duty to do this. Men should not discipline their wives out some sort of power trip or prideful arrogance. Instead men should discipline their wives from a place of love in order to bring about holiness and order in their homes. Even if a wife rejects her husband’s discipline as Israel did God as her husband – he should still discipline her and pray that God will bring his wife to repentance.

How should Christians handle disputes

 

     How should Christians handle disputes        (Matthew 18:15-17)?

            

Question: "How should Christians handle disputes (Matthew 18:15-17)?"

Answer: Christians have often turned to the principles of Matthew 18 for guidance in handling disputes. There Jesus says, “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector” (verses 15–17). From these verses, several guidelines can be found for resolving conflicts between Christians.

First, a Christian who has a conflict with another Christian is called to address the matter with the other person personally. When matters are handled privately, misunderstanding can be addressed, and there is great potential for the other person to respond positively. In addition, a private meeting helps to avoid the problem of gossip that can occur when a matter is taken to others instead of the person involved.

Second, if a private discussion does not solve the issue, a Christian is to take one or two other believers and meet with the person with whom they have conflict. The clause “that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses” refers to the Old Testament law that required a charge to be supported by two or more witnesses to be valid. In the case of personal conflict, this principle allows for additional witnesses to observe the matter firsthand and help determine the proper course of action.

Third, when there is no resolution after steps one and two, the matter is to be taken before the local church. Only in rare cases will a Christian seeking to follow the Lord refuse to resolve conflict when the entire congregation is involved.

Finally, if the person in the center of the conflict refuses to respond positively even when the entire congregation is involved, then that person is to be considered as “a pagan or a tax collector.” This simply means to excommunicate the person, removing the negative influence from the congregation.

In 1 Corinthians 5, the apostle Paul speaks of a believer who had been sexually immoral, apparently with his stepmother. Rather than condemning the act, the Corinthian Christians had tolerated the behavior. Paul taught they should remove this person from their church family (1 Corinthians 5:3). Later, in 2 Corinthians, this same person had turned from this lifestyle, and Paul advised the Corinthian believers to accept him again. The goal of discipline is not to be mean or cold-hearted but to condemn sinful behavior and issue a call to change. In 2 Corinthians 2:8, Paul writes, “I beg you to reaffirm your love for him” (ESV).

Christians are called to handle disputes in love, with a goal of restoration. Conflict should be handled according to the steps listed in Matthew 18. This style of conflict resolution is based on a desire for holy living and love for the person who has committed wrong. 

 

The Top Five Myths of Christian Dating

 There are some myths out there that people assume to be gospel about dating. Christian culture is like any other in that we develop truisms that we accept without verifying. There are things floating around that have little or nothing to do with the Bible. Most are well intended and contain a nugget of truth. Some are flat–out wrong. Dating is hard enough without sifting through all this erroneous information, so let's debunk some myths. There are plenty of them, but let's focus on what I believe are the top five myths that make dating harder for Christian men.

Myth #1: "God has one woman picked out for you to marry. You are destined to be with her, and God will guide you to her."

Good luck finding this one in the Bible. There is plenty of stuff about God's will for his people, God wanting good things for you, and God's ultimate plan. Nowhere, however, does it say that God picked out a spunky brunette whom he's waiting to spring on you at the right moment. I'm not saying that he doesn't. When it comes to God, I'm pretty careful about saying what he does or doesn't do. But I do know this—if you rely on this idea too much, your dating life will get really confusing.

Some Christians take a lot of comfort in the idea that God will do the heavy lifting when it comes to dating. God will tell them if a relationship is right, and God will end it if it's not. All they have to do is sit back and enjoy the ride. This may be the biggest excuse men use for being lazy in relationships, much less finding one.

German theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer addresses this issue in a wedding sermon he wrote for his sister from a Nazi jail cell. He says that God joins the relationship between a man and a woman at the point of marriage. Before that, the couple has to take the initiative. Rather than directing the course of the relationship, God wants the couple to grow and learn how to make a commitment. Once they've done that, God increases his sustaining presence.

 I'm not saying that God doesn't have a will regarding your dating life. God may, in fact, have a spunky brunette in mind, and he's steering you toward her as you read this. But the Bible does not promise that God will provide a loving relationship for you while you sit around and do nothing. But, as in all things, it's best to ask for his guidance. The Bible promises he will provide that whenever we ask. Rely on God's love, wisdom, and sustaining presence while you're dating. Though God won't do all the work for you, he'll be with you every step of the way.

The good news is that most men don't have a problem with this. Regardless of your theology on the Predestination of Girlfriends, you're probably eager to be an active participant in your dating life. This brings us to our next myth.

Myth #2: "The Bible has clearly defined guidelines for dating."

People didn't date in biblical times. Dating as a socially accepted means of finding a mate has been around for less than a century. Before that, strict courtship rituals governed the path to marriage. Whom you married wasn't even up to you most of the time. Falling in love before you got married or engaged is a twentieth–century concept. Dating as we know it occurred after marriage. In college, I had an older professor from Japan whose marriage had been arranged. He made fun of modern dating, saying, "By the time you get married now, the fun is over. In an arranged marriage, the fun starts after the wedding!" (No, that wasn't a suggestion for you to set up an arranged marriage.)

For the Hebrews and the early church, dating wasn't an issue to be addressed in Scripture. Sex and marriage were, but not dating. When the Bible was written, a person basically had one of three options: remaining single, an amoral life with multiple partners or prostitutes, or an arranged marriage. There were courtship rituals in place, but nothing that looks like what we consider dating today.

The church has reached a difficult crossroads when it comes to pre–marriage romance. We no longer have rituals of courtship and arranged marriage to guide us every step of the way. This leaves a lot of room for error. It's also spawned a whole range of opinions and advice on how to handle dating. One glance at the numerous books about love, dating, and marriage suggests that we're making a lot of this up as we go along.

Of course, there are biblical principles that are essential in dating. If you follow the biblical prescriptions for gentleness, respect, sexual purity, and kindness (Gal. 5:19–23), you are bound to make much better decisions in dating situations. Your head and your heart should be in Scripture at all times, but you won't find specific guidelines for dating. Is it okay to kiss before marriage? The answer isn't in the Bible (though the Song of Solomon sure gives us a clue). How about going out on dates alone? Nope, not in there either. The Bible provides some crucial relational principles but doesn't address the specifics.

This requires more decision–making on your part. You can't follow antiquated courtship rituals anymore. (At least I don't advise it. Asking a woman's father if you can date his daughter without consulting her first might be a good way to never get a first date.) You also don't have a scriptural field manual that tells you how to behave in every situation. It's up to you to be in prayer and conversation with your Christian community about these things. You're going to have to think, talk, pray, and be ready to make some mistakes. Speaking of mistakes, let's look at our next myth.

 Myth #3: "God will reveal to you the woman that you are going to marry the instant you meet her."

If this is true, I screwed up somewhere. I thought my wife was out of my league when I met her. We had a nice conversation, but I left thinking that she wouldn't go out with a guy like me. Regardless, I didn't get a divine telegram saying, "She's the one! Start picking out china patterns!"

Waiting for God to whack you on the head and tell you whom to marry isn't faith; it's fear. Many people want nothing to do with dating because of the risk and potential pain that it involves. This is certainly understandable, as dating can have traumatic results in unhealthy circumstances. But what do you think serves us better in the long run? Growing and suffering in the process of learning or a revelation that lets us off the hook? I would have loved to know that the beautiful woman I was talking to would one day be my wife, but I might not have worked as hard to earn her hand in marriage. I would have missed a lot of experiences that made me a better man.

Be careful if you think God has told you that Betty from the bookstore is the one for you, but you have no idea if she feels the same way. If you plunge in, convinced that you are on a mission from God, and she's not sure yet, it's a quick way to scare her off. Our unconscious mind can kick up powerful feelings that sometimes get mistaken for a message from God. Maybe she was nicer to you than anyone you've met in a long time. Maybe she's the first woman you ever met that likes Cracker Jacks as much as you do. Or maybe she's just drop–dead gorgeous. Of course, a woman who's nice, white–hot cute, and likes Cracker Jacks might be someone you want to ask on a date. I just wouldn't go ring shopping yet. Especially if you want a second date.

Myth #4: "You have to be friends with a woman before you can date her."

This is the point where I might tick off some of you, so allow me to assuage your anger before I explain this myth. I am not saying that you cannot or should not be friends before dating. I'm also not talking about a man and a woman who are interested in each other and agree to be friends for a period before dating. Some of the most successful relationships begin in friendship. Sometimes you don't even know you want to date someone until you're friends with her. I've met couples who were friends for years and then fell in love. It's a super way to start a relationship.

The problem is that a lot of men think the best way to pursue a woman is to befriend her while hiding their interest in dating her. This is a rotten idea and sets a lot of men up for trouble.

Tommy was a client of mine who tried this approach. He had been interested in a woman at his church for a few months, but he was terrified of rejection. So he made his best effort to become her friend, never letting on that he wanted to be her boyfriend. He gave her rides to church, had coffee with her, and talked to her on the phone two or three times a week. Whenever she needed help or support, Tommy was there. But he never asked her out. Then another man in the church asked her out, and she accepted. When she shared the news with Tommy, he was devastated. He told her about his true feelings, and she was shocked. She was hurt that he didn't tell her sooner and expressed regret that he'd never asked her out. However, she refused to back out of the date with the other guy. It proved the end of their friendship, and Tommy retreated into frustration and despair.

You have to be honest about what you're doing. Don't kid yourself and don't lie to her. Be friends all you want, but if you want to date her, she needs to know and you need to ask her out.

Some people distinguish "dating" from "friendship" based on one thing: physical intimacy. More specifically, kissing. A man and a woman who are interested in each other remain "friends" by going out only on group dates and refraining from intimate contact of any description. Apparently, this means they aren't dating.

Whatever.

Friendship and dating are categorically different. Of course, you must be friends with the person you date, but there's much more to it. The emotional "heat" that occurs between people in a romantic relationship is both more exhilarating and more complicated than friendship. People have higher expectations for someone they're considering for marriage. Friendship cannot contain the emotions, intensity, and intimacy that dating does. If you and a woman are hot for each other, you aren't "just friends." I don't care if you go out on dates alone or with the whole church choir. It also doesn't matter if you wear a HAZMAT suit and stay ten feet away from her at all times. If romance is the goal of a man and woman's relationship, they are dating. Confuse it with friendship at your peril.

Myth #5: "A man's sexuality is a ravenous, snarling beast that should be kept in a cage until he's married."

I admit I've never heard it put that way, but the implication is out there. Any lecture or book on dating inevitably includes something about sex (and, yes, this one does too). Frequently, the message is "Control yourself! Your sex drive is out to get you! It's just waiting for one weak moment to jump out and turn you into a nymphomaniac and demolish your soul." And then we wonder why so many Christians end up with sexual problems, both before and after marriage.

The Bible tells us to save sex for marriage (1Cor. 7:2). That's crucial. But you knew that already. The problem is we tend to emphasize this prohibition and leave it at that. No one talks about sexuality before marriage because sexuality before marriage is bad.

This leaves us with a small problem. Our sexuality is part of who we are from the moment we're born. If you take away a man's sexuality, you take away his identity. Your sexuality will be there, playing an active role, from the moment you ask a woman out. In fact, without sexuality, men wouldn't date. They'd play video games and eat pizza. Our sexuality is what gets us interested in women in the first place, and that's a good thing.

Did you think God gave you a sex drive just to torture you until you got married? There are plenty of things God does that I don't understand, but he's not cruel. Many people confuse sexual drives with sinful desires. Though sexual drives, like all drives, can become sinful, they're holy in their raw state. Yes, I said holy. Your sex drive comes from God. If you don't think that makes it holy, take it up with him.

The trick we have to pull off is holy, healthy expression of our sexuality before marriage. It's not easy, but it can be done. It will look different for different people, but it needs to be expressed. Otherwise it will force its way out. Look at the crisis of Internet pornography running rampant through the church. Men are dying for a way to embrace and express their sex drives. You can't ignore your sexuality, and you can't white–knuckle your way through life until your wedding night. Your sexuality isn't bad. It's not sinful or dirty. It's a gift from God, and we need to figure out a way to embrace that gift before marriage.

What should I look for in a Christian boyfriend?

       Question: "What should I look for in a Christian boyfriend?"

Answer: Anybody can say they love Jesus or that they’re a Christian. But how do you know, when you’re falling in love with someone, whether he is the real deal? The Bible doesn’t mention the kind of dating relationships we see today; in fact, the only romantic relationships portrayed are either marriage relationships or adulterous relationships. What this means is that a Christian boyfriend should be, first and foremost, a man you plan to marry or at least someone who would make a good Christian husband. A Christian woman should be looking for someone who is serious about God and serious about his relationship with her. A Christian boyfriend isn’t dating just for fun; he has marriage in mind.

The Bible is full of verses that describe what a Christian man should be like, verses that are helpful and trustworthy for a woman who is evaluating a potential husband. The following are some guidelines based on those verses. A Christian boyfriend should be

Humble and teachable: The Bible tells us that a righteous man, or a wise man, will take instruction gladly, even when it hurts him (Psalm 141:5; Proverbs 9:9, 12:15). A righteous man evidences a willingness to be corrected by Scripture and a tendency to love and listen to those who can teach him from the Scripture.

Honest: Do his actions agree with his words? The Bible says that a righteous man is characterized by honesty in his personal and business dealings (Ephesians 4:28). In addition, when he makes a promise, a Christian man keeps his promise, even when it hurts (Psalm 15:2-5). In short, his character should be one of integrity.

Selfless: The Bible speaks specifically to husbands when it tells them to love their wives as they love their own bodies, just like Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25-28). A Christian boyfriend should begin to exhibit this kind of care and love for his girlfriend long before marriage. Love is easy in the romantic beginning stages, but a Christian boyfriend should be the kind of man whose behavior and intentions will be loving in all kinds of circumstances (1 John 3:18).

Able and willing to provide: The Bible says that a man who doesn’t provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8). Provision doesn’t necessarily mean “bringing in a lot of money.” The issue is whether he takes responsibility for the welfare of his wife and children. It is important for women to grasp the seriousness of this verse. A man who doesn’t want to provide is very hard for a woman to respect, and if a wife struggles to respect her husband, marital troubles will go beyond the material. A woman’s respect for her husband and a man’s love for his wife are interdependent and life-giving to a marriage (Ephesians 5:25-32).

Willing to proactively protect: Both physically and emotionally, women tend to be weaker and more easily hurt than men. They need to be understood and protected and cared for in a proactive way. A good Christian boyfriend is a man who will look out for and care for his girlfriend and carry this passion for protecting her on into marriage (1 Peter 3:7).

Also, here are some negative things to watch out for: materialism (1 John 2:15-16; 1 Timothy 6:10), lying (Proverbs 12:22;19:22), sexual unfaithfulness (Ecclesiastes 7:26; Proverbs 7) and poor treatment of family members, especially his mother (Proverbs 15:20; 19:26; 20:20; 23:22). Usually, a man’s treatment of his mother is a good indication of how he will treat his wife. Also, watch out for irrationally and controlling or jealous tendencies, as these often lead to violence (Proverbs 6:34; 27:4).

Finally, a Christian boyfriend is one with whom a woman is evenly matched. First, in the spiritual sense – a couple’s relationship with God should be the primary factor in any relationship, and they should be matched in that regard. Believers are commanded to marry other believers (2 Corinthians 6:14), so there is no reason to be dating an unbeliever. But a couple should also be evenly matched in the more practical aspects, having compatible temperaments, similar energy levels, and shared life-goals and interests. These things add tremendously to happiness in a relationship.

In addition to all this, if a man has a good sense of humor and a steady, cheerful disposition, this is wonderfully encouraging for his wife. Nobody can be “up” all the time, but a man who is characterized by the peace and joy of the Spirit is a real catch. Life is hard, and marriage is hard, too. There will be times of sadness, and there will be conflict. Because of this, a cheerful, encouraging spouse is a real blessing (Proverbs 16:24; 17:22; 15:30).

Recommended Resources: The Ten Commandments of Dating by Young & Adams and Logos Bible Software